1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
