Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I smell stomach acid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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