i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
