This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
