Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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