dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
