No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
