areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
