When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
