Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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