I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
