i don't like sucking hair
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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