Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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