I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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