I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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