Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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