i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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