Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
