Can Purell be used as lube?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Come on in and take your pants off
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