Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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