I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
