she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
