Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
