I have demons in me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dicks are not precious.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
