i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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