while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
