According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
