May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
