New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
