So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
