I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
