My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
