I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she peed on how many people?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
