i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
