awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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