dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
