they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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