hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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