Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
