sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
