if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
