his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
