something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wear drunk well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
