Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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