sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
