i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
