maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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