So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
