my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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