My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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