I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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